Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop once in awhile and look at it, you might miss it.

Yep, that quote from the 1986 film classic Ferris Buehler’s Day Off is right on the money. But even though life is constantly changing, there are 3 facts that will always stay the same:

#1—Wal-Mart will eventually take over the entire world. From the creamed peas infants crave to denture cream (and all ages in between), it’s become the Mecca of one-stop shopping. Once they install a delivery room and a department that sells coffins, we’ll be good to go from start to finish.

#2—A man would give up his life, deer lease, and a case of his favorite adult beverage before turning over the keys to his remote control. Warning: Never attempt to snatch this TV accessory from a guy who’s in the midst of NASCAR, Sunday afternoon football, or a hunting show that involves tracking a 10-point buck through the Colorado mountains. You could lose a limb. I’m serious.

#3—Musicians are an interesting bunch. These folks hit the stage when most 9- to-fivers are retiring for the evening, and stay up deep into the night cheered on by adoring and slightly inebriated fans bellowing, “DUUUUDDE, YOU FREAKIN’ ROCCCKKK!” So much for the “normal” life.

So, imagine hearing from your editor, “Hey, we’d like you to interview this really interesting musician who’s on the verge of becoming a huge star. He’s a comedian, a heckuva fiddler, and a chainsaw artist to boot.”

Huh? A chainsaw…what?

Like I said, musicians are definitely a unique group. And at the top of that list is Doug Moreland.

You’ve heard his story. Originally from Ft. Davis, Texas, Doug forged and polished his entertaining skills performing in the dinner theatres of New Mexico and Arizona. Around 1999, his introduction to the world of chainsaw sculpture by some friends took him to eastern Tennessee, where in two months his carving prowess enabled him to bankroll enough cash to record two albums and pay moving expenses back to Texas, settling in the Austin area. Along the way, he enlisted a fiddle-playing border collie named Holly-peno (nicknamed Holly), and until her death in 2004, the duo dazzled audiences on the Texas-Americana circuit with a lethal dose of music and comedy, breaking all previous entertainment moulds.

After releasing the music-only Everybody Knows My Name in 2005, he disbanded his Big Hat Band in exchange for an all-acoustic fiddle, standup bass, and guitar trio that leapt immediately into the primetime lights, as Moreland’s threesome opened for none other than Willie Nelson. By 2006, a drummer and keyboard player rounded out the lineup, and the Doug Moreland Show was alive and bucking. Most recently, his 2006 release, Doug Moreland, has reviewers and fellow musicians alike singing his praises, comparing the music from his 11-track masterpiece to the western swing of Bob Wills and Asleep at the Wheel, and simple, straightforward lyrics reminiscent of the immortal Hank Williams.

So, back to the editor’s initial request for an interview. What kind of questions can be prepared for a chainsaw sculptor? Do we talk about his favorite type of lumber? Should we compare and contrast the different motors he uses?

(I can hear it now: “So, Doug, what type of horsepower is necessary to cut through pine or oak?” Yep, those are the juicy tidbits that our readers are dying to learn about!)

Well, the questions were finalized, and moments later the phone rang. The voice on the other end had a definite west Texas twang, saying, “Hey, this is Doug Moreland. I’m up in Round Rock, carving an eagle in this lady’s yard.” Almost an hour later, we were still talking, and laughing like crazy. Here are a few of the more memorable moments:

Talk about some of your favorite chainsaw projects.
About 5 or 6 years ago I was down in New Braunfels, and me and Bubba (Bubba Daniel, a good friend and fellow sculptor) were carving. Ragweed was there, and this was when they were traveling in a van. Cody came up and showed me the picture of the Carney Man off their CD, and said, “Can you make this?” So I said, “Sure,” and after I finished I gave it to him because it was his 25th birthday. They tried to pay me for it, but I wouldn’t take any money. Later I found out they stuck it in my back pocket when I got drunk. I’ve also made a horsehead for Jason Boland, a skull for Stoney, a parrot for Django (Walker), and a gargoyle for Bleu Edmondson, ‘cause he’s kinda grumpy sometimes.

You’ve been on the road for years. Is there a “Spinal Tap” moment you can share?
Yep, matter of fact this happened just last week. We were down in Corpus playing at a place called the Thirsty Cactus, and our hotel was just right down the street from the place, and to get to the club was only about a 2-minute drive. You just had to get up on the freeway and circle around. Well, I was driving and I thought I’d just cut through the backstreets, but I kept getting lost and it took about 30 minutes for a 2-minute drive. The band was laughing at me, saying, “See? You’re not always right!”

Sounds like you need a sense of humor in your world.
I tell you, I’ve got a collection of funny friends. If you’re going hang around with me you’d better be funny, because I’m just out here having a good time. Bubba Daniel is one. He always catches me off guard by saying the most random things. I just wish the world could see just how funny he is.

Was there ever a time when you met someone in the music business and felt so nervous you could hardly speak, much less be funny around them?
I usually feel really comfortable talking to people in music. I don’t get nervous if they’re a big star, because that just means they’ve been doing this longer than me. But, I went down to Houston one time to go see Jimmy Buffett. I was with Django Walker, and his dad Jerry Jeff is good friends with Jimmy. So after I was introduced to him, he asked me what I did, and I told him I was a chainsaw artist. Later, someone else told him I also write songs.

Talk about writing songs and how you go about it.
I’ve got hundreds of songs. Roger Miller, who died in 1992, wrote songs because he wanted to, and that’s what I do. Guys today like Matt Skinner and Ryan Bingham are the same way. I don’t write just to sell them to the masses, I just do it.

If you were asked to play just one Doug Moreland song in front of your largest crowd ever, what would it be?
I’d sing “Home To Me” off the new CD. I love the simplicity of that song. I played it for Matt Skinner and he just said, “That’s good.” That meant a lot to me.

Speaking of songs, what’s the most perfect song you’ve ever heard?
“Georgia,” by Willie Nelson. I heard it awhile ago on the way up here to Round Rock in the truck.

Do you remember the first time you heard yourself on radio?
Yeah. Back in 2000 a friend of mine ran a radio station down in Gonzales, Texas. I think it was called the Lone Star Radio Hour. But he called me at 5 p.m. and said, “Hey, my guest cancelled. Can you be here by 6 p.m.?” I thought a minute and said, “Uh…yeah!” So on the way down I heard “Dallas” off Toast To Life. (1999 release.)

Ever get tired of hearing your music played?
I still get chills. I’ll tell you what. If I ever get tired of that, you can come up here and kick my butt. Final question.

Let’s pretend that the cable channel A&E wanted to film a reality show about your life. What would the title be?
I’d call it, “Doug Moreland: Anything to Keep From Getting a Real Job.”

For much more information regarding the man, the myth, and the chainsaw, visit www.dougmoreland. com

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